Author Archives: maroooned

Zerkalo

Let’s bring it back to basics. Create some space. The writer is sick with the truth. Art is the only chance. Infinite words in the ammunition room. Shots need firing if we’re not ready for another boom. The great water rock’s the target. Words sculpture to reveal forms and stories underneath. Electric symmetric fingerprints ready to retrack the water keeps. Collective library making space for history. Stay ahead of definitions. Be like water, my friend. Take the bullets, read the stories, play the parts and let it pass through.

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Risk being scene

Risk being seen in all of your glory. Risk being scene. The actor has gone mad. If the actor has gone mad, who takes his place in knowing it’s all a play? A ride. It’s just a ride. Cum zice Bill Hicks. Si ce daca zice. Oare el cum se simtea? Oare cum era viata cotidiana a lui Alan Watts? Pana si Ghandi era un asshole uneori. Eu stiu ca oamenii m-au experimentat autentic fiind un optimist visator idealist cu sens si logica, dar eu ma vad tot timpul. Si desi pot fi autentic optimist, tot autentic sunt si deprimat. In supa sau tocana conexiunii mereu se trezeste un vampir de energie. Si ei trebuie iubiti. Da mai departe, ca Subcarpati. Bean MC cel mai fain artist din romania secolul 21. Am nevoie de spatiu sa manifest. Amintiri si experiente. Proiectii cu diferite puncte de coordonare. The universe coordonates a point of view. Detaliile contureaza ce nu se numeste. Why do they think it’s so serious? They think they have so much invested. I remember the character who thinks there’s a puzzle to the uninverse, sees riddles everywhere and tries to solve them. Always almost succeeding for real, but the gods trick him in the very end. The game and its stakes always elevating after each end of the game. He wants so bad to be real. He marries mistaken identification. The actor gets mad. He wants to be real to play the game the way it should be played. Tired of watching. Been a witness far enough. Kills the villan to get a role in the play. But he is slave to the role. He thought he could help the hero to see there is no good and bad, but the rules either don’t budge or there’s imbalance. There is no audience. The actor, when the masks get put on and the play starts, becomes the audience. You see. There’s only thusness. But once showed to me it just kept coming, leaving me no choice but accept it and look at it, resulting in a case of Icarus. While I was able to experience and get to the crowning heavens with my love, it proved to burn my fake wings. I find myself back on earth, humble. I feel again in the world but not of it, happy to work on my character. Next experiment is to accept beaing a learner. “I am a humble, curious learner” is the mantra. I am a curious humble learner. I know nothing. I am nothing. No one. I don’t even exist. There’s just relative manifestations. Happenings. I want nothing. No more stories in my head. Only stories in my hand. Il apreciez pe Bean. Sunt norocos. Imi amintesc cand eram copil, eram dispus, imi ziceam, sa renunt la viata mea si sa mi-o ofer in serviciul altei persoane. Nu e departe de rolul si misiunea mea. Ce nu-mi dadeam seama era ca urma sa ma dedublez, si ca primul caruia ii datoram acest serviciu urma sa fiu eu.

asta


Lost in translation

In the translation of reality. Lost in the character you are playing. That’s what happened when I finally got captured by the photographer. Nature is the perfect object and the perfect subject to capture. It’s playing its role beautifully, lost in translation, pretending to never notice being watched by us, or by itself rather. Never gazes at the camera, living a constant happening and all just for us, for itself, to reinvent the present, to recreate the stillness of the first moment through neverending movement, forevermore risking its very existence. Love is one of the ways you get to pretend you are not being watched by yourself, it’s how you get lost in the character playing the perfect role.

You are beautiful!


Lies define. Truths dissolve

I wrote this and I pretend to feel good about it as if I came up with it. Soon enough I will forget. And something else will take its place, and round, and round. And round. I’m going off course. I’m tired now. My name is Alex. I live in Cluj in a modest flat. I work at Sykes. Aman lucrurile. Fumez cam mult. Nu mananc bine. Imi pierd concentrarea. I’m nothing. I’m nothing special. Am I bipolar? Experimentez transfer de constiinta? Ce ma face anxios social? Wanting to be complete? How can I be myself if I don’t know who I am. Who my character is. If myself is destructive and I don’t want to be destructive does that mean I can’t be myself? In a way I want to talk about my past and in many ways I don’t. Zici ca ma pierd in oameni si imi pierd focusul. I-am zis “nu-mi place de tine”. Ce lucru urat de zis. Acum cand o scriu parca sunt mandru de mine ca am zis cuiva ceva atat de rautacios. Nu stiu cum sa vorbesc cu oameni. Nu stiu cat. Stiu ca in cele din urma o sa ma raneasca si o sa-i ranesc. Asta e un lucru bun de stiut pentru ca implica faptul ca ma voi lasa vulnerabil in fata lor. Am impresia ca daca ma las sa fiu eu insumi las mania din mine sa aiba controlul, ii scot lesa de la gat. Si-apoi…prinde-o tu. Who to trust? Fucking projections. Me? Who says with all of my being that everything is alright and permitted? Me? To not accept something? Even if it were a lie. Did I get another chance and I didn’t take it? I feel watched and judged. I’m tired and I need a weekend. I don’t care about the world. All these stupid people! This is stupid. It really is. It doesn’t matter. There’s nothing wrong with acting like myself. And I don’t care all that much by itself, by myself, as I care as a result of the others caring which they don’t even do care. Sunt o persoana empatica. Imi place sa fac oamenii sa rada, sa ii ascult, si imi place sa fiu placut, indragit. Imi place sa imi fac treaba bine. Imi place sa petrec timp cu tipe si sa stau la discutii interminabile cu oameni de orice fel, discutii despre univers, ce inseamna sa fii om, energii nevazute, povesti de tot felul. I’m done pretending. I’m done not accepting myself. Am fost bombardat cu proiectii si in contextul in care am si eu proiectiile mele, ma omoara. Cel putin e o interpretare. Si vreau sa traiesc. Fara minciuni. In principiu nu mai gasesc relevant cum sunt, ce eticheta am. N-am eticheta. Doar sunt. I’m beautiful and kind and caring. I want to share the beauty that runs through me with everyone, with the world. I am the world playing this beautiful character. I feel tired. I am nothing, no one. I am free. I am complete. I’m cute and I have a nice smile, a nice vibe. I am me. Imma face my demons. Already doing it. I accept something I never expected to have to accept. I accept I’m both asexual and bisexual. I actually feel grateful for this. I get to experience a new way to be. How lucky am I? Very interesting this Pisi, Alex character. Zerkalo. I still know nothing.

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The curious case of Icarus or Engaging in a harmonious play of singularity, multiplicity, form and void in the eternal now

To know is the worst thing you can do. But you shouldn’t know that. To know is personal. To not know is not personal, and not impersonal, but supra personal. Is not he or she, has no sex. Is not the creator of the world, but the actor of the world, the player of all parts, so that everyone is a mask. And like an absorbed actor, the divine spirit gets so absorbed in playing the role as to become it, and to be bewitched. And this is all part of the game, believing that “I am that role”. But, you see, you were fooled. You are always living for somewhere where you aren’t. There is no use planning for a future which when you get to it and it becomes the present you won’t be there. You’ll be living in some other future which hasn’t yet arrived. And so, in this way one is unable actually to inherit and enjoy the fruits of one’s actions. You can’t live at all unless you live fully now. Shinny shinny present. And so, now you know. You might not realize it, but by the time you do, you’ll notice the Sun getting further away, you falling, wondering if the wings you used to have were real at all. Did chaos win? But before you know it, in the ordinary way, when we are talking about this, graphically, and vividly, in imagistic terms, we can talk about the everlasting game of hide and seek, which the self plays with itself. It forgets who it is and then creeps up behind itself and says “BOO!” And that’s a great thrill. It pretends that things are getting serious, just as a great actor on the stage. Although, the audience know that what they’re seeing is only a play, the skill of the actor is to take the audience in and have them all sitting in anxiety, on the edges of their seats, or to be weeping or laughing, or utterly involved in what they know is only a play. So you would imagine if it were a great actor, with absolute superb technique, he would take himself in, and he would feel that the play was real. We are all acting our own parts, playing the human game so beautifully, that he is enchanted. You see what enchanted means? Under the influence of a chant. Hypnotized. Spellbound. Fascinated. The game that is being played here is playing order against chaos. But you’ve gotta have some chaos in order to play the game of order against it. But if order wins there’s no further game. If chaos wins there’s no further game. If they’re equally balanced is a stalemate. So what happens is this: chaos is always losing but never defeated. It’s the good loser. So, you see, if you get to know, order defeats chaos. You’re not a very good winner, are you? In the end, the truth is unknown to those who know it, and known to those who know it not.


The action of revealing the miracle rehides the truth for the next play.


I’m in this together

7-8 septembrie 2016

Maine totul se schimba.
Azi totul se aseaza.

Nu stiu daca voi scrie sau nu. Sunt atasat de nimic. Asta e starea. Sunt liber. Time of the place: the middle of now here.

Ultimul cui fumat. De azi experimentez sa nu mai caut iarba. Ipoteza de la care plec incepe in momentul in care ma privesc cu cel mai recent cel mai amplu awareness. M-am pripit in lucruri. Pot sa vad si cum am ajuns s-o fac. Am ales in continuare diversitatea; vreau sa ma extind fara oprire. M-am pripit in lucruri si am manifestat evadari de teama noului, dar acum vad cat de norocos ma pot numi. E timpul sa privesc si sa aplic invataturile, le poti numi si experimente sau experiente, cum vrei tu.
Abilitatea de dive deep e minunata, e o minune, dar momentele cheie de a face asta pot fi alese mai atent. Momentul evadarii marcheaza un inceput de ceva si este creat de frica, camuflata in tot felul. In nerabdare spre exemplu. Momentul ideal de dive deep este finalul, intregirea unui cerc, punctul superior al spiralei, sarbatorirea implinirii, si indeplinirea unei misiuni, cand ai dus ceva la capat. Pe acolo vine si iubirea, in acea portita, unde soarele-i copil. Play with form all you want, but remember you are love.
Prin urmare, ce vreau sa spun e, nu mai caut pentru ca vine.

Nu inseamna ca am un plan, dimpotriva, inseamna ca am o misiune. O misiune misterioasa a carei indicii se afla in detaliile prezentului, si al whatever comes next-ului. Sunt pregatit de orice, curios si alb. Simt sa petrec timp cu ai mei. Oamenii mei, familia mea; de acasa pana-n cosmos. De maine incepe azi-ul. Cel mai azi de pana acum. Cele mai non-asteptari. Cele mai right-thing-izari. Asta e o intregire si o sarbatoresc. Nu pot decat sa multumesc.

2 decembrie 2017

Struggle. I realized I’m stronger than I thought. And this challenge made me even stronger. A hair cut is due, for letting go and commiting to the character, within the divorce of mistaken identification. I might be witnessing, experiencing a sort of guide, or shaman, or who knows what, thinking to itself “I gotta give in, man, gotta let go. Gotta be honest again, to myself. Gotta let go. Accept the help of the spirits. I am not above anything. There is no I. I am not contained within the limits of my body; my body is contained within the limitlessness of my soul”, but what I am is nothing with a twist. Tomorrow starts today. The major adventure still lays ahead. And the major adventure is to claim your authentic true being.

iminthistogether


Astrophilia

Vezi tu, artistul ascunde ceva și de el. Trebuie să fie mereu ceva de descoperit. Iar arta e mereu conturul esenței. Ce e adevărul? Adevărul e doar ceva cu sens. Dar poți avea adevăr fără sens? Ce e sensul? Implică o direcție și un drum coerent. Dar ce e coerent? Awkwardness e nevoia de a exprima un adevăr fără sens. Oricum, adevărul nu poate fi spus, poate fi doar conștientizat. Mulțumesc că îmi e clară misiunea. Mulțumesc că am un rol în această minunată existență. În acest minunat univers. Mulțumesc că sinele superior are grijă de mine. Mulțumesc pentru iubirea pe care o primesc și o dau mai departe conform cu programarea divină. Mulțumesc pentru ocazia de a îmi rezolva situațiile karmice. Mulțumesc pentru ajutorul primit. Mulțumesc pentru energia infinită. Mulțumesc pentru că îmi rezolv situațiile karmice întru armonia divină, pentru care mulțumesc. Sunt recunoscător. Mulțumesc. Mulțumesc pentru că iert. Mulțumesc pentru că mă iert. Mulțumesc pentru că îi iert pe cei ce mi-au greșit. Înțeleg că asta trebuia să se întâmple pentru ca toți să învățăm. Mulțumesc pentru credința pe care o manifest. Și mulțumesc pentru credința ce se manifestă prin mine. Nu există limite. Nu există granițe. Mulțumesc că îmi arăți iubire și frumusețe și adevăr. Mulțumesc pentru inspirația pe care o am. Pentru toate astea și tot restul, mulțumesc. Mulțumesc pentru că inspir pe alții prin modul meu de a fi și ceea ce fac. Mulțumesc pentru că comunic cu sinele superior. Mulțumesc pentru oamenii potriviți pe care îi am în jur care sunt și ei credincioși. Mulțumesc pentru că comunic cu familia mea terestră, cu familia cosmică. Mulțumesc pentru călătoria minunată către lumină și perfecțiune în care sunt. Mulțumesc pentru peretele pe care îmi pun viziunile. În castelul meu de fildeș, cu Morty la gât să mă protejeze, șed, șed o lacrimă, șed două lacrimi. Legând strâns trăirile sufletești din aceste semne și ignorând orice fel de condiționare, înseamnă că sufletul rânduiește semnele și alcătuiește din ele combinații într-o succesiune prin care cititorul, ulterior, simte sufletul scriitorului. În orice caz, te-am făcut să spui „mulțumesc” de 25 de ori.

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