Full of content is so out of context

Cam de o saptamana locuiesc in spatiul dintre evenimente. Am experimentat pe M o.Lee niste visuals de n-ai idee. Am cunoscut cel putin o fantoma (si nici nu credeam in fantome pana atunci), e un pusti, un fel de peter pan, made of sand and water. Am petrecut timp cu fantoma din casa respectiva (erau mai multe fantome sau entitati. cand experimentam lucid dreaming in real life, transfere de constiinta, de-astea, in timp ce corpul meu era effortless, I was not in my body, and while I had the experience of me in the upstaries room, much more vividly I was having the experience walking through the house seeing all these characters. (maybe my projections, like in Inception). The peter pan kid had claimed the vessel to talk to me. He taught me how to manipulate nature through perception. Au trecut vreo 5 ore de cand am luat ultima data, si inca pot la comanda sa ma uit intr-un punct si sa creez realitate. Gen dau cu degetul peste aer si uneori ramane la fel, uneori extind imaginea. Oricum, am avut si revelatia ca am fost inger la un moment dat. Stiu si ce trebuie sa fac ca sa imi aduc closure. Sunt conectat si la Gaya si la mother earth, in ultimul timp, dar ce poti sa faci decat sa privesti ce se intampla. And after the out of body lucid dreaming experience, the following day even though I was like more back into the world, I kept on seeing ghosts. Almost like letting them in. Am vazut multe chestii si manipulam in detaliu foarte rapid. Mi-as dori sa stiu sa pictez. Si deci visual-ul (aa si am si tot felul de tripuri corporale) asta care persista ca urmare a simplitatii pieselor elementare si bazale. Astfel, spre exemplu indata ce vad ceva care sa se lege cu chestia aia incep sa construiesc. Si gen cel mai simplu e cu parul de pe picioare, sau oriunde simt par sau oriunde vad par. Si vad in cel mai real mod posibil cum se creaza in fata mea ca un fel de panza de paianjen cu propria constiinta, stralucitoare si luminoasa, si na, cu cat ma uit mai mult, cu atat de schimba mai mult. Si nu-mi amintesc deloc ce am facut de cand s-au pus laura si adam la somn si pana in momentul in care s-au trezit. Stiu doar ca nu am dormit pentru ca eram prea bubuit (drogat pe amphetamine).

Cand s-au trezit si au spus primul cuvant eu eram tocmai pe tripul cu “Cine sunt. Ah, uite, sunt. Oare ce se intampla aici? Aha, asta se intampla” with no idea what I’ve done or experienced, which lead me to believe that most likely I’ve been out of my body and co-creating a lucid dream. Na, si la un moment dat vedeam pe perete ca cel mai real lucru incat si acceptam ca exista asa ceva desi pare extraterestru si clar n-ai mai vazut asa ceva. Ca un paianjen cu corpul mic si picioare super lungi, curbate, si multe multe, mii, albastru deschis si de consistenta apei. Si se deplasa miscandu-si concomitent cate un picior – unul il ridica – altul il punea. Apoi la gandul “n-are cum” se schimba brusc pur si simplu “doar” intr.-o energie care se misca pe perete. Si alt trip visual. La orice ma uitam aproape instant isi modifica forma, facandu-le sa le apara deasupra lor limbaj gen matrix; si puteam sa ma contectez energetic la potentialul fiecarui detaliu. Chiar cu verde and everything, iar eu simteam ..iti dai seama. Si cand era pe gata energia pentru tripul asta. Totusi mai puteam sa ma uit la degetele mele si sa vad cum de la varfuri se dizolvau . Jur ca toata casa aia pe masura ce se mai intamplau evenimente, imi reconfirma constant si mai intarit ca acea casa nici macar nu exista, e doar pusa in scena de pustiul peter pan. Dar se tot formau ..obiecte ..cu constiinta foarte extraterestre, astfel ca doar se adaugau la realitatea normala. Fara chestii extraterestre luminoase care se misca ha, ha. Si mi-am dat seama ca e posibil ca tot timpul sa facem asta, in timp ce egourile noastre se joaca in dimensiunea asta, sa fim si in lucid dreaming out of body experience. Its just where we focus our focus. Iar alegerile noastre din lucid dreaming functioneaza dupa alte legi. Primul trip in care nu ma simteam in corp a tinut vreo 15 minute, si eram fascinat cat de mult a putut sa dureze (nestiind ce urmeaza) dar in alea 15 minute imi amintesc ca voiam sa tai ceva cu foarfeca, si fiind prea blana, m-am taiat la degetul mare de la mana stanga. Insa si in timp ce se intampla, si non  stop pana in momentul prezent, nu simt nici un  fel de durere. Pentru ca nu eram in corp, almost as if someone else cut my costume, za flesh. Si gen sunt taiat destul de adanc. Aa, da, si imi amintesc prima data cand e posibil ca am vazut o fantoma, eram in Bucuresti, locuiam intr-o garsoniera si fumam legale. Incepusem sa am tot felul de vise, probabil. Si ma tot trezeam aiurea, gen. Astfel ca intr-o dimineata m-am trezit cu fata catre balcon, iar pe fotoliul dintre fata mea si balcon statea un domn inalt, slab, la costum, dar un pic jerpelit, parea ca bause. Asa ca am zis instant “fuck this shit” si m-am intors pe partea cealalta. Cand se intamplase chestia aia nu intelegeam cum inteleg acum universul. Totusi zilele ce au urmat, si dea-lungul timpului pana acum mi-a mai aparut prin minte. Aaaa si alt trip, gizas. Imi uneam palmele intre ele la nivelul pieptului si nu stiu, ma tot jucam cu asta. Faza e ca am luat si mult atunci cand m-am tripat cel mai tare, stiam ca e mult si am ales sa o iau, adica jumate dintr-unu intreg. Si la un moment dat cand imi apropii palmele, se opresc. E o energie paralelipipedica gen, cam 2 cm distanta. Si pot sa vad energía fara sa o pot defini neaparat, si imi pot vedea palmele oprindu-se ca intr.-un geam incolor. Iar eu ma simt ca si cum sunt conectat la mine cel intreg. Cam ce simti cand imbratisezi un copac, doar ca mai intens de vreo 12 ori.

Am fost la un party, DJ Hodor progressive house parca, in Coventry. A fost rand din ala ca in filme, eram agitat, nu mai aveam rabdare. Durase si pana m-am intalnit cu niste astia. Pana la urma m-am dezlantuit. Am mers si in Northampton. Si macar m-am salvat cu M-ul asta sa ma linisteasca. Ca cu C-u’ altfel ti-o da si mereu vrei mai mult, iar sevrajele is teribile, te simti obosit. Aa, si la un moment dat imi iau filmul ca eu sunt cartea de tarot cu personajul Magicianul.  Intr-un fel de piesa de teatru jucata pe scena, interactiv cu publicul rezultand intr-un The Hero’s Journey, specific si personal pentru fiecare in parte. Si gen pot sa vad energia dintre obiecte, modul in care o percep e ca si cum materialul din care e construit universul ar manifesta proprietatile apei.


I hate cocaine. Are numa dezavantaje. Pai, for starters are sevraj pe care il simti, frisoane sau sictir, combinate si alternative, si esti obosit. Apoi drogul in sine e mai incisiv decat extasy, dar si subtil in acelasi timp. Before you know it it’s your best friend. Si te face sa vrei mai mult tot timpul. Pai cand am luat molly la party zici ca era cu totul altceva. Aa, si cocaina te pune mereu pe un drum periculos mi se pare. Almost like allan wats zicea cu visul. Ei bine, drogul asta iti da vise de la granita cu cosmaruri. Dar gen te duce pana la cea mai nu stiu cum deconstructie a momentului. Aa, si tot ca surprinzator pol opus fata de extasy, mi se pare ca te face mai neglijent cu lucrurile si ordinea lor. Le lasi pe tot unde, pierzi notiunea timpului foarte usor. Gen in 3 zile nu stii cum ai ajuns pe planeta. Apai daca te prinde si intr.-o disonanta cognitiva. It’s a constant on the edge feeling. Just to take the edge off. Everything is made of edges.

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edge of your window seat

And what did you do there? I was on the wing. Dreaming. That’s what they call it, being on the wing. We made songs. It goes like this. Oh, you like music, you sly devil, you! E una din doua. Asta tot intreb oamenii dintotdeauna. Fie sunt nebun, fie toti suntem nebuni. Dar nimeni nu pare sa imi dea un raspuns clar. Daca stau sa ma gandesc asa fac si eu cand altii cauta iar eu ma intamplu sa fiu acolo. Si in acelasi timp, tot ce ne spunem e shh, hai sa nu ne mai spunem cuvinte. Nu suntem cu nimic diferiti de pasarelele din parc care zic “hey, hey, wanna fuck?”, sau de un colibrí “gotta keep moving, up, down, down, up, can’t stop, up up, down down”, sau de furnici “queen needs food, babies need food, queen makes babies”, sau de un foton in libera proiectare “uaa. Uaaa. Uaaaa”. All alone in space and time. There’s nothing here, but what’s here’s mine.

Smoking a joint in Northampton. Well, it is something I happen to be doing. Never said it is extraordinary. I’m in my office, nature, my canvas on my desk, the backpack, my pen in my hand, the word. My, my, the world. The tree is autumn. It teaches me yet another way to feel my alone-ness. Each leaf contains a different memory. I wonder if trees wander, too. Their stillness don’t fool me. I wander when I’m still, too.

All these lessons need merging. Everybody, drop your buffs. They must have a common essence, consciousness, soul. We have maybe four or five hours of daylight. Is time really a dimension? What is a dimension? And why do we chase them when we should play them? Alone-ness is gone. I feel complete. See? Wondering has its benefits. Perceptie-sferă.

Will I write the book? Should I start now? Have I already started? Let’s try, or not try, but watch something happen. I like when I create happenings. I open the door to the story of my life. I’m working on a book. It’s all about your life. Maybe it’s all about mine, too. Maybe I can write the truth along the way. Use me. I’m useful and magic if you use me. I’m a playing card. I’m the yarn in a bard. I’m the jest of a fool. A glittering jewel.

Wander alone in the crowd, and sing. And fear not the taunts of the man and his masses. Cause when disaster comes knocking is us fools who’ll be laughing. I miss just traveling.

I don’t wanna go back. We have to. Till then, we walk.

If you look real high, you just might find, sitting in the stars, glistening, glistening, oh I wonder.

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Windows of light

I took off from paradise
And I landed in the jungle
I’ve spent the whole time lost in the clouds

I lost my body in the Summer storm
Somewhere over the ocean
I think my mind may also be gone

Something more than a steady hand
Is what I need to borrow
Just to level it out and make a new plan

Tienes que sacarlo de las raíces. Firme! Y tienes que decir “sufrimos”. Me va doler? Sabes de dónde vienes? Una sílaba se pasó entre los labios de su madre y su padre. Así llegaste a este mundo. So young, just begun, don’t need to live to know what I’ve become. One day the world may end, but there’s still plenty to discover. I am something that the whole universe is doing. The great theatre of the universe. Realitatea e o scena de teatru si trebuie jucata. Dar e posibil uneori ca un personaj sa fie indragostita de un alt personaj, si acel scenariu trebuie jucat, dar e posibil ca actrita sa se indragosteasca de un alt actor, nu personaj. Si na…ramane doar un film in mintea celui de-al doilea actor. I am nothing with a twist. Sometimes I’m disajointed in me. I’m working on it. Than the universe wants instant gratification just the same. And remember, You don’t pay the price. You enjoy the prize. So if you want it now you might as well do it now. I’ve come to embrace and respect this matrix. And I say “this” not “the” because what we call matrix, or the dullness of the day, not only is as magic as, but differs not from the fantasies, or utopia, or dreamlands. The beauty of the moment, in the prelude to a kiss, the anticipation of thought, between conception and truth. My lips are loose. The timekeeper is the lone musician and I’d rather not know. The more I know the harder it is to do. I love the thrill of sneaking between the walls, to track and to cover tracks, to have my life on the line. Some die with the name, some die nameless. One thing is for sure, the next canvas is pulling my ship so fast it feels still. Bring me the horizon, I am ready. I don’t need to make amends, but I’m done going undercover. Ain’t it funny that you can see the everything, even thou it has no content and you can not name it, yet you can feel it?


Resilience, the ability or inner strength to bounce back from a setback or challenge.

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Freckled canvas

How long before I get in?
Before it starts, before I begin?
Where To, where do I go?
If you never try, then you’ll never know
How long do I have to climb,
Up on the side of this mountain of mine?
I’ll start before I can stop
Before I see things the right way up

Freckled canvas. Which one are you? I am changing. Words are not enough. Most of us were raised to become ordinary. Extraordinary is something very very different. This is about recognising within yourself that there is something very very extraordinary that you haven’t been trained to believe in, to come to a place that you can apply it and put it within your life. But more than that, you can go way beyond ordinary. Is easier to watch greatness, it’s easier to go see greatness than it is to put it into time, into energy. I choose not to be a common man. It’s my right to be uncommon if I can. I see opportunity, not security. I do not wish to be a simple citizen humbled in dull by having the state look after me. I want to take the calculated risk, to dream and to build, to fail and to succeed, I refuse to live from hand to mouth, I prefer the challenges of life to the guaranteed existence of thrill of fulfilment, to the still calm of utopia  It’s my right to reign proud and unafraid, to face the whole world and say, this I have done. I’m never worried about reaction, just about inaction. If you want to never change, you have to constantly change everything. Hunting the destiny, I accept and welcome your advice to leave every place I visit in the same or better condition. Hunting windows of light dressed in grey clouds. I’m just the shadow of a bigger man. Glowing brighter with each year I am. I was standing on a mountain. Just looking down. You kinda brought the Sun today. And I kinda miss you. Kinda thank you. Stay calm, we’ll all just get along. Sit around, pretending like nothing’s wrong. So long, love letter. But you and I are gonna live forever.

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Previously, on, Alex

Iarasi vreau sa vorbesc despre decizia irationala a homo sapiens de a se arunca in vulnerabilitate si confuzie si abilitatea de a corecta; de a pune prima pata pe tabula rasa, si de a pune energia in miscare pentru a reajunge la perfect. Asta face artistul. Pune pata de culoare pe armonia neagra-alba si se expune riscului ce il pune in continua schimbare. Da! Tu ce zici? Cat de des pui pata haosului? Cat de des creezi? In orice caz din acel moment nu mai esti tu. Ce creezi esti tu, iar tu devii tabula rasa pentru ceea ce creezi care la randul lui se vede obligat sa puna pata pe tine. Canalul dintre tu si tu devine universul in care locuieste tot. „Stii, artistul nu are limite. Niciodata nu crede ca e deajuns. Mereu crede ca mai trebuie ceva si inca ceva si inca ceva; nu simte ca e gata” – verbalizeaza universul obsesiv-compulsiv.

In chaos, everything happens.

I’ve been stuck in an indecision bubble for the past 3 days. It made me go high and deep non stop; like each possible path acted like a thunder inside the holographic walls of my inner self. Not being able to assess myself, not being able to not need to assess, but I enjoyed it. Even when I don’t get it, I know I can handle it. It becomes fun, psychedelic. But of course these are not the main things I want to express. What is the best way of expression for me? How do I get there? How do I grow it? Tell me the story! Show me the story!

In order, only one thing happens.


This week, on, Alex

Actors in disguise
There’s a leader in the rise
From the sky he’s born
Into this world he’s thrown
Like a play without a soul
An actor all alone

I’m here to tell you you don’t know what you’re doing. This is great. People that know what they’re doing know the rules and they know what is possible and what is impossible, you do not. And you should not. The rules as to what is possible and impossible were made by people who have not tested the boundaries of the possible by going beyond them. And you can. If you don’t know it’s impossible is easier to do. And because no one has done it before, they haven’t made up rules to stop anyone doing that particular thing again. Today I am grateful.

Yeah, well, who the hell knows. Noone, that’s who. We all feel empty and alone and we want to feel special. So, make someone feel special, it will come back to you. You make Me feel special! Just wait for it, it will come around. Get out of context from once in a while and empty your mind. They’re all just stories; even “i gotta go pee” is a story. Forget about music, too. We all feel guilty. All day long nothing matters and it feels awful, but at the end of the day nothing matters and it feels good and free. You know this. You died many times. Even in this life. We’re all afraid of going mad, but like one famous cat said, we’re all mad here.

Listen. There is no such thing as any disorder, it’s just a label, we made it up, just like we made everything up. There is suffering, yes, and there is happiness, yes, confusion, struggle. People don’t talk about it, but we are all depressed, confused, abandoned, empty. You could help someone instead, like me. No I’m just kiddin’, I’ll ask for your help when i need it. And so should you. I guess the point that people miss is that reality is language and that we must be interested in recoding, but they take it as serious business.


The thing about Pandora’s box is every toy goes back in the box after every game.

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set in a time earlier than the main story

19.feb.2016

Trip la Timisoara. Costumul de psihonaut pregatit: ochelari de soare. Sunt tot felul de locuri pe langa mine ca sa tin chestii in proximitatea mainii cu fiecare prioritate in minte. Muzica schimba totul in functie de ce privesc. Imi e greu sa aleg un numitor comun la ce zic, dar am incredere ca daca continui sa scriu o sa-l gasesc.

Ma gandesc acum ca noi ca si puncte de vedere ale universului sub diversele manifestari incercam doar sa ne spunem te iubesc prin tot ce facem, fie ca le codam sub forma de metafore menite sa aibe indicii catre iubire, fie sub forma de metafore menite sa ascunda asta.

Cand privesc in ochii unei persoane sunt egoless.

Cu cat ajungi mai sus in societate cu atat depui mai putina energie in lucrurile pe care le discutam, le facem cu pasiune, spontane, creative, autentice si cautand starea de bine. Cu cat depui mai multa energie pentru spiritualitate cu atat ramai mai jos in societate. Pana la un punct cand poti exploda in termeni de manifestari si exprimari.

Credeam ca daca nu pot bloca gandurile de inceput de scris in timp ce merg intr-o cafenea ca sa scriu, o sa pierd inceputul perfect. Dar ce sa vezi. Desi am consumat cateva idei, scena din Wien Cafe se asterne mandra si timida, incepand cu prezenta lui Markovici (tot in Wien Cafe ca atunci cand am plecat in Trip, a continuat cu locul perfect de stat de unde pot privi intreaga scena 180 de grade, finalizand cu ceea ce pare Vama Veche, dar acum imi dau seama ca e altceva. Nu aud versurile de energia fiintelor din incapere, dar simt foarte clar ce transmit. Devin intreg in acest mediu stimulant. Si nu sunt oamenii, oare, ca muzica? Si nu sunt, oare, versurile cele mai neimportante? Muzelor! Oricum, de fapt, e despre mine ce se intampla in jur. Sunt doar oglinzi, dar aici oglinzile se spala, reflecta doar lumina. De asta ma vad mai aproape de ceea ce sunt. Imi spal oglinda. Ador cand oamenii isi prezinta potentialul in fata mea, in oglinda mea, de care am grija si o curat.

Oamenii din fata discuta afaceri, investitii, feedback, proceduri; cei din dreapta sunt ceea ce par un cuplu adult. Ambii citesc carti, ce frumos; de fapt el ziarul, si doar el fumeaza. Da, inca se fumeaza in localuri acum. Cei din fata vorbesc de vinuri mai exact. Cei din colt, stanga, departe sunt trei batrani si mi-e greu sa aud ce discuta, iar cei din stanga aproape, doi tineri povestesc in nestire despre nimicuri totale si subiectiv semnificative. El vorbeste mai mult decat ea. Atipic. Poate e entuziasmat. Iar eu… eu scriu in mijlocul lor. Dar ce se intampla sub si deasupra acestori versuri e supa primordiala, e apocalipsa, e intregirea si implinirea, poate a mai multor universuri, de fapt cu siguranta a tuturor oglinzilor de aici. „Fiecare om are misiunea lui” – a spus cel din discutia afaceri-vinuri.

Ieri noapte iar s-a invitat in universul meu un eveniment plin de invataturi. Clean slate, again, haos, tabula rasa, detoxifiere, transformare, the next thing, spalarea oglinzii, restructurare, renuntare la sine, capatarea punctului de vedere spate-sus. Oglinda din fata mea era ceva ce n-am mai vazut pana acum, ceva nou, imprevizibil, indefinibil, riscant si magnetic poate. Un eveniment ce am preferat sa nu-l povestesc primei persoane pe care o vad, pentru ca experienta este cea care conteaza, cea care isi poate fi deajuns, si relatarea ei merita macar o internalizare mai migaloasa. Bruce Springsteen – Human Touch. Vreau sa vorbesc cu oamenii astia! Vreau sa vorbesc cu toti! Dar sa le ascult muzica si sa ii las pe ei sa-si asculte versurile.


“I don’t sing because I’m happy. I’m happy because I sing” – William James

“I think music in itself is healing. It’s an explosive expression of humanity. It’s something we are all touched by. No matter what culture we’re from” – Billy Joel

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain” – Bob Marley